BillBakerBlog.com

BlackBerry Gets Back in the Game

I love tech, so I was fortunate to attend the launch of the new BlackBerry 10 devices today in New York. An unexpected bonus was receiving one to take home with me. Here are my VERY initial thoughts, in no particular order:

1.) New OS and devices put BlackBerry back in the game. Seriously.

2.) Z10 is a very nice device and BB10 is, at first glance, extremely good. The "predictive typing" feature, where it guesses words and allows you to swipe above a letter to insert that word is beyond cool. It may be the single best typing feature I have ever seen on any phone EVER. It has to be seen to be believed. It raises the bar substantially, putting current typing on iPhones and Androids to shame. I also like the Hub concept, where all your messages - email, social media stuff - are in one place. No need to go to separate apps.

3.) App support will be an issue to watch. I quickly went through the BlackBerry store and there was a lot of chaff. For example, I could not find a single stock tracking app for free, even though there are about 1,000 of them for iPhone.

4.) BIG disappointment that US availability won't be until March. That's probably why the stock got hammered today.

5.) Even though I received a phone, it is not connected to any carrier at this point, so I can only use it on WiFi. So, I'll have to wait until I can use it as a real phone. We are told that we will receive a SIM card "...in the coming weeks." I look forward to it.

6.) It has a replaceable battery!!! A zillion "thumbs up" for that alone!

7.) The Q10 - with an awesome physical keyboard in the BlackBerry tradition - is an intriguing wild card. I hate typing on the iPhone and all touch screen phones. (Though, as noted above, the new typing experience on the BlackBerry is a game-changer.) It will be interesting to see how this device will be received by the BlackBerry faithful, who still number in the tens of millions worldwide. It will also be interesting to see if people like me, who miss the old BlackBerry keyboard, could be coaxed back.

The Fantasy Lance Armstrong/Oprah Interview

 

Lance Armstrong has been thoroughly disgraced. In an attempt to redeem himself in some fashion, he talked to Oprah and in an interview that will air on Thursday and Friday, according to news reports, he finally admits to the fact that he took banned drugs during his cycling career.

What follows is a completely made-up, imagined, make-believe, created-from-scratch-out-of-my-own-imagination conversation between Lance Armstrong and Oprah.

--------------------

Oprah: Why are we here today Lance?

Lance: Because talking to Bob Costas or the New York Times would have been really, really hard and I like to take the easy route.

Oprah: No, I meant, what did you want to talk about?

Lance: Oh. Right. Well, you see, back in 1998, I was just coming back from cancer. At the same time, during the 1998 Tour de France, the Festina Affair was going on. So me and my buddies concocted this great scheme where I would cheat, come roaring back at the 1999 Tour de France, redeem the sport of cycling and be an inspiration to cancer survivors the world over. I would then use those cancer sufferers to build a personal brand worth an estimated $100 million. Pretty clever, huh?

Oprah: OOOOO-K. But we already knew all that. So I'll ask again - Why are we here?

Lance: Oh, yeah, right. Well, you see, during that process of using cancer to line my pockets:
1.) I cheated by taking performance enhancing drugs.
2.) I lied about it repeatedly, vociferously and adamantly for 15 years.
3.) I ruthlessly and viciously attacked anyone who dared to tell the truth about me. I destroyed careers and lives in the process.
4.) Any time someone questioned me, I would say "But look at all those cancer victims! I'm riding for them!"
5.) I quit when I had an actual chance to face my accusers.
6.) I whined about the process not being fair and not being able to face my accusers.

So now, you see, I am completely screwed in that I have no discernible skills and no way to make a living, so I need to try to rehabilitate my reputation so that I can do a few triathlons and hopefully get some third and fourth-rate companies to sponsor me.

Oprah: And I can help you do that?

Lance: You bet, Oprah! Throughout my career, I always made a point of only talking to "journalists" who were in the tank for me (guys like Phil Liggett), or who were afraid of me (again, Phil Liggett) or who have no clue about professional cycling. You fall into that last category.

Oprah: Lance, it seems like you did some pretty bad things and hurt a lot of people. I mean - you used cancer victims as human PR shields! Why do you think anyone will forgive you now?

Lance: Because I talked to Oprah! Remember?

Oprah: So, do you think you are more of a dick or more douche?

Lance: Wow, Oprah. Tough question! You're no pushover afterall. Well, I've been called both, millions of times by millions of people. But, I promised to come clean with you so I guess I'll have to say I'm a dick. A monumental dick.

Oprah: Last question: Why, in the end, did you do all those terrible things?

Lance: You recall my first book that I wrote with that hack, Sally Jenkins -  It's Not About the Bike? Well, the subtitle to that book should have been "It's ALL about the money."

Remember Oprah, in professional sports (and big-time college sports) - it's ALWAYS all about the money.

I Am Responsible for Apple's Cratering Stock Price

Apple's stock price seems to be in free-fall of late. The experts and pundits are offering up all sort of reasons why.

I'll save them the trouble: It's me.

How so?

I'm THAT guy. The guy who buys every gadget the minute it hits the store. That especially applies to Apple iDevices. I have bought so many iPod, iPads and iPhones over the years, I've lost count.

Except now. In the last three months, Apple has introduced:

• iPhone 5
• iPad mini
• iPad 4
• new iPod touch
• new iPod nano

And I have purchased exactly... none of them. All of my current iDevices work just fine and none of the above mentioned new products are compelling enough to make me want to run out and buy any of them. On top of that, I have a considerable amount of money invested in an iDevice "ecosystem" of accessories and the change to the new Lightning connector renders all of them pretty useless.

So, thanks but no thanks Apple. Not only are you NOT inducing me to buy your new products, you are actually providing considerable incentive to hang onto my old ones as long as possible.

Now multiply me by a zillion like-minded gadget non-buyers and, well, you can see the problem.

On the one hand, that's a good thing. Your previous generation products are excellent, high-quality devices that work great. But viewed from the perspective of an Apple stockholder who paid north of $600 for your stock, I am a really bad dream come true.

Parade Magazine Hits it Hard with the Romneys

Ann & Mitt Romney pay tribute to their favorite politcal salutes through history.

For those of you who missed the hard-hitting “Parade” Magazine interview with the Romney’s this past Sunday, here is a summary:

Parade: Skim, 2% or whole?
Mitt Romney: Ann makes those decisions. And she’s just great at it.

Parade: Floss?
Mitt: Waxed, mint flavored. I like smooth, minty gums.

Parade: How much did you pay in taxes in 2005?
Mitt: Well, now, let me see if I can remem… Heyyy… waaaaait a minute! You devil journalist! You almost caught me there! Very clever! I will say this though: Obama has ruined this country. So there’s that.

Parade: How will you save the economy?
Mitt: I have a five point plan to create a 29 point plan that will outline my plan to save America from Obama. We learned how to plan at Bain. We’re, planners, we are. We plan. And as soon as I’m elected, I’ll reveal those plans. I’m not giving this stuff away for free. You want the milk, you gotta buy the cow. (See answer to question #1.) We learned that at Bain too.

Parade: *sigh* Let’s get back to the questions you WILL answer: OJ, apple or grapefruit juice with breakfast?
Mitt: OJ! And it’s not just for breakfast anymore! And Obama ruined the U.S.

Parade: Mrs. Romney – you probably spend more money on your horse in a year than half the population of the U.S. makes in 10 years, and yet it came in like 23rd place at the London Olympics. WTF?
Ann: Did you know my husband fixed the Olympics a decade ago and also worked at Bain? He will make a great president!

Parade: Wasn’t he also the governor of Massachusetts, where he passed sweeping health care reform much like President Obama’s and was in favor of a woman’s right to choose?
Ann: He SAVED the Salt Lake City games! AND – he ran Bain capital.

Parade: Right. Last question: Milk or dark chocolate?
Mitt: White chocolate, actually. You do the math.

Lance Armstrong: Denouement

I've never met or talked to the man, but I have a long relationship with Lance Armstrong. It started in 1989, when I did my first triathlon in Miami. Lance was a 16 year old upstart who came in second in that race. I came in around 1,654th. I used to love telling people that "I raced against Lance Armstrong." Now, not so much.

My relationship with Lance Armstrong evolved over the years. My office used to be a shrine to him with posters and prints and framed op-ed pieces that I wrote for various newspapers, talking about what a great athlete, husband, father and role model he was. This was before the divorce, the parade of celebrity girlfriends and break-ups and the downward spiral of doping allegations and suspensions that engulfed cycling and just about everyone associated with and close to Lance Armstrong.

The Lance Armstrong paraphernalia has long since been removed as it became increasingly obvious that cycling was and probably still is a filthy sport, filled with cheaters, liars and scoundrels.

Is Lance Armstrong one of them? We may never know. We do know, however, that in addition to being an accused doper, he is also now a quitter. It makes me sad that someone who was an inspiration to so many, including me, is going to be a tragic footnote, like Shoeless Joe Jackson, Pete Rose and the pathetic Joe Paterno.

These are my cycling related posts, dating back to 2006, on this blog. They hold up pretty well, I think. Too bad. They point to a house of cards that Lance Armstrong and pro cycling built and which we all knew one day had to collapse.

My Take on Pro Cycling, Lance Armstrong and Doping Through the Years

I have followed pro cycling for decades. I used to be fan. In recent years, that gave way to dismay and disdain, in no small part thanks to Lance Armstrong.

Here are some of my thoughts over the years.

June 2006 - Why can't pro cycling get out of it's own way?

June 2006 - I spoke too soon

July 2007 - "I'll take 'Notorius Sports Scum' for $100, Alex"

July 2007 - I spoke too soon: The other (cycling) shoe has dropped

July 2008 - Lance Armstrong's former waterboy tests positive

July 2009 - Lance Armstrong: The Company He Keeps

July 2009 - Lance Armstrong: The Company He Keeps, Part Deux

The Day That Facebook Died

 

August 14, 2012: The day that Facebook died.

Two articles appeared - one in the Wall Street Journal and one on Mashable - that basically say everything we do on Facebook is annoying, crass and socially unacceptable.

In case you didn't read the sort-of-spot-on-yet-still-self-important-and-holier-than-thou articles, I'll save you the trouble of slogging through them both. Here are the CliffNotes:

• Your child got a full ride to Harvard? Well, my child was denied parole. Again. So keep it to yourself.
• Training for a marathon? Most of us wouldn't walk across the room for a glass of water if our own head was on fire, so we don't need to hear about your run.
• Love your spouse? Mine tried to kill me in my sleep. Shut up.
• Vacationed in Fiji? We went to Cleveland to stay with my murderous spouse's sociopathic in-laws. Don't post photos of your trip.
• Love your new baby? Great. Please refrain from making any mention of her on Facebook until AFTER she graduates from Harvard and the rest of us are dead (at the hand of our homicidal spouses, most likely.)
• Hate/love a politician/political philosophy/point of view? Please - keep it off Facebook where other people might actually see it and react in some fashion. Our current state of government and democracy depends on ignorance and apathy to sustain itself.
• Like a band or a song? Hum it to yourself.
• If you are a writer for a super-duper-big-time newspaper or a semi-relevant web site or a barely-ever-read personal blog, for chrissake - DO NOT POST LINKS TO YOUR STORIES ON FACEBOOK.

 

 

Star Wars @35: Hangin' With My Dad

(Image: Wookieepedia)

I remember seeing “Star Wars” for the first time like it was yesterday.

My dad used to do a lot of business in Washington, D.C. and every summer, he would take me with him for a two or three day business trip.

In July 1977, when I was 13, we were in Washington. After a couple of morning meetings, my dad came back to the hotel and asked what I wanted to do that day.

I said let’s do a museum and then catch that new “Star Wars” movie before dinner. (Remember – this was back before movies were in and out of theaters in two weeks. I think “Star Wars” played in theaters for six months.) As we walked out onto the street after the movie, President Carter’s motorcade went speeding by. For me, that was almost as cool as seeing the movie.

While most people will be noting the 35^th anniversary by talking about “Star Wars” as the cultural icon it has become, I will remember it for what it means to me: a summer day, at the movies, just me and my dad.

Separated at Birth?

Greg Marmalard:

 

Mitt Romney:

 

An Open Letter to Texter/Drivers

Dear texter/driver:

Actually, this is not just for the woman who ran me off the road this morning during my morning run. This is for all texter/drivers:

 F*CK YOU!

In my dream world, we'll find an island and create a country just for you, where you can all text and drive and run each other off the road until you are all extinct.

But we all know THAT isn't going to happen, so here's an alternative scenario: That you only kill yourself and maybe a member or two of YOUR family, and not me or anyone that I love.

So feel free to load your kids into your car, head out at 3:00 am, run her up to 90 and then send an all-too-important-it-just-can't-wait text message to your beer swilling buddy or your girlfriend who you met at Zumba class.

When your car goes hurtling off the road, into a pole and results in your fiery death, there will no doubt be articles in your local newspaper about what a great person and parent you were and what a tragedy it is that you and your family are dead.

But we'll know better. We'll know that the rest of us were spared from the life-threatening effects of your narcissistic, "the rules don't apply to me" attitude. Too bad your kids had to die with you, but, hey, that text WAS really, REALLY important. We're sure it was worth it.

Offended? Good. I hope it shocks you into stopping your illegal, dangerous behavior so that you and your family can live happy, healthy lives as civilized members of our community.

Still not persuaded? Well, then, I repeat: F*ck you.

Bill Baker

Black Friday: The Ghost of Thanksgiving Future, Courtesy of Walmart

So, with Walmart opening at 10:00PM on Thanksgiving night this year, I am trying to imagine the natural progression of Black Fridays going forward. I envision Thanksgiving 2012 will look something like this:

 

 "Greeters" from your local Walmart will show up at your house at around 3:00 PM Thanksgiving Day, just as the pumpkin pie is coming out. They will sit down, help themsleves to your food and wine, then grab your wallet, take out your credit cards, sit down at your computer, buy a bunch of made-in-China-shit-you-don't-need from the Walmart web site. As they leave, they will use the bathroom (not bothering to flush) and then step on the dog's tail on their way out the door, which they won't bother to close.

Your kids will be crying, scared to death by the strangers in their house. The dog will be whimpering in the corner, and you'll be checking the good silverware to make sure nothing has gone missing.

 

Happy F-ing Thanksgiving! See you next year, suckers!

You Saw How We Handled the Debt Ceiling. Now Watch Us Manage the Internet

Google chairman Eric Schmidt appeared before a Senate committee today, ostensibly to answer for how big Google has become.

As part of my occasional yet on-going "Fantasy Congressional Testimony" series, I bring you this transcript:

Senator Windbag: State your name and title for the record.

Eric Schmidt: Eric Schmidt, chairman of Google.

Senator Windbag: "Schmidt", huh? Sounds foreign. Were you born here? I fought against the Kaiser in World War I, you know.

Schmidt: Yes, senator. In fact, I was born right here in Washington D.C. You could have easily Googled that.

Senator Blowhole: Don't get cute with us, sonny. Not all of us are convinced that this Internet thing is real. Now, let me ask you this:

These Google things you are running seem really big. Can you answer me this, just so my constituents understand: How many jelly beans fit into the Google? Is it more than a thousand? A million? If it is a million, that's really, REALLY big, wouldn't you say?

Schmidt: Um... huh?

Senator Blowhole: Admit it. These Googles you are selling are like the bedbug infestation in New York City. There are thousands of them.

Senator Pinhead: WTF dude?! Why do you have to hate on New York City? We didn't invent Google!

Senator Blowhole: What does "WTF" mean?

Schmidt: You could Google it.

Senator Windbag: I don't think we have an Internet in the Senate building. Can you fax me a copy and we'll add it to your testimony?

Schmidt: Are we through here?

Senator Asshat: My granddaughter asked me if her class could 'twitter' questions to this committee for us to ask during this hearing. Does anyone have any idea WTF she is talking about?

Schmidt: Twitter? Never heard of it.

Senator Windbag: Excellent! I think we've made some real progress here. One last thing, Mr. Schmidt: Have you ever met that kid from "The Social Network" movie? My granddaughter thinks he is a dreamboat.

Schmidt: I'm adjourned.

 

 

How True Patriots Run for President

(Image: Chuck Jones)

I've been truly impressed with Sarah Palin's and Michele Bachmann's recent history lessons as part of their run for president. (Well, Sarah Palin is actually running FROM her past including losing in 2008 and then quitting her day job in 2009.)

Here is my fantasy stump speech that I am happy to donate to either of their campaigns:

Thank you for inviting me here today! It's great to be among such a wonderful group of patriots who, just like our founding fathers did during the Civil War against France, are ready to stand up to a tyrannical oppressor, like Cardinal Richelieu or Lord Mountbatten or someone like that, and invoke the great Patrick Henry and declare "We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!"

<Pause for applause>

Today, I stand before you with the spirit of Betsy Ross filling my heart, as I recall how she selflessly knitted uniforms out of cobwebs to help our dough-boys beat back Napoleon during the War of the Roses. It is THAT kind of sacrifice that president Obama wants every one of you to agree to and I say "Not on my watch, Mr. President!"

Because we have been sacrificing plenty. Anyone who has shopped at Lord & Taylor instead of Chanel or who has cut back on sushi in order to save the whales knows how much we've given up during the past two years of the Obama presidency. I say "Enough!" It's open season on humpbacks and I'm going out to buy that cute Prada number I saw yesterday while shopping in Vegas! Who's with me?!"

<Pause for applause>

You know, last time I checked, America was the land of big ideas:

- Major Tony Nelson's first step on the moon
- Albert Einstein's invention of the "Super Soaker"
- Johnny Unitas throwing a "no-hitter" during the 1947 NBA Finals

It's time we remembered the great accomplishments from these and millions of other great Americans who value freedom from government oversight and understand the power of individuals to make their own decisions about what's best for their families.

That's why I'm in favor of a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage and recycling. Both are direct affronts to individual sovereignty as well as being dirty and time consuming. If we clog up our town halls, our courts, our justices-of-the-peace and our sanitation workers with endless marriage license paperwork and plastic sorting to accommodate a few gays and green-nuts, how can the United States ever be as great as when we came together as one behind Captain America to defeat the Russians under Columbus?!

<Pause for applause>

Finally, I would like to talk about immigration. I want to personally commend the governor of the great state of Arizona, Charles Barkley, who single-handedly took control of immigration policy in this country by sealing our border with Costa Rica and arresting anyone who looks like Sanjaya from Season Six of "American Idol." I can promise more of this kind of brave policy-making if I am president.

I'll leave you today with the powerful words of Winston Churchill, who, during Dublin's darkest hours during the Vietnam War, inspired his people to carry on:

"We shall meet them at the spa! We shall meet them at the Mall of America! We shall fight them for a parking spot! Never have so many done so little for so few!"

Thank you and God bless me and whoever votes for me!

How Do We Spell "Qaddafi?" Let Us Count The Ways

(Image: Wikipedia)

The leader of Libya is in the news a lot these days. With murdering thugs Hu Jintao, Kim Jong-il, Hitler and Hugo Chavez, we know where we stand, spelling-wise. You would think we could all agree on something for Mo K'Daffy and then go over and kick his ass.

You'd be wrong:

- New York Times: Muammar el-Qaddafi

- Wall Street Journal: Moammar Gadhafi

- The Guardian: Muammar Gaddafi

- The Economist: Muammar Qaddafi

- Los Angeles Times: Moammar Kadafi

- The Financial Times: Muammer Gaddafi

- Le Monde: Mouammar Kadhafi

- NY Post: Moammar Khadafy

- Fox News: Muammar Qadaffi

- Washington Post: Moammar Gaddafi

- Foreign Policy: Muammar al-Qaddafi

What's your favorite?

Government: First, Do No Harm

 

There are lots of divergent opinions on whether or not government can or should do anything to help people get back to work. From stimulus spending to government programs to tax policy, government's role in lowering the unemployment rate is hotly debated.

Regardless of which side of that argument you come down on, I think we can all agree that government should not stand in the way of someone getting a job.

I am not talking about some esoteric argument like whether or not too much regulation stifles industry and prevents companies from hiring.

This is about an actual person and an actual job:

A friend of mine recently received a job offer from a large, high-tech corporation - not a trivial accomplishment in this economy. She has all her paperwork, including the official offer letter. She was all set to fly across the country to corporate headquarters for orientation and training, except that the company needed one more piece of information: a criminal background check which, apparently, is standard operational procedure.

My friend, of course, hasn't so much as a parking ticket in her past. This check would take a total of about 30 seconds.

Unfortunately, her local county government can't seem to find that 30 seconds to respond and clear her to start her job.

So instead of her earning a paycheck and buying an airplane ticket and paying for a hotel room and going to restaurants and buying magazines and gummy bears at the airport and renting a car and buying coffee...

...she is stuck waiting for some paper pusher, who probably is union and has a job for life, to rubber stamp her file.

In the mean time, she keeps a careful eye on her spending and Rome burns.

Lesson: Government may or may not be able to help, but there is no doubt that it sure can hurt.

2010 Ass-Hat Awards

Ass-hat: One whose head is so far up their rear end it could pass for a hat; used to describe a person who is stubborn, cruel, or otherwise unpleasant to be around.

***

2010 was definitely the "Year of the Ass-Hat." It seems there was no shortage of people from politics, business and entertainment who went out of their way to annoy us, embarrass themselves and weaken a great nation and the world.

So, in no particular order of importance, here are my choices for the biggest Ass-Hats of 2010:

Mitch McConnell: The senator from Kentucky and Senate Minority Leader proved that you don't have to be a radical jihadhist terrorist to be a terrorist.

 

Barack Obama: He spent the better part of this year grasping for a message that would resonate and a leadership style that was remotely presidential. To his credit, he finished the year strong by taking off his ass-hat and making Mitch McConnell's even bigger.

John McCain: After staring at an election defeat in the wildly out of touch state of Arizona, he flip-flopped so far to the right that he out-mavericked himself into becoming a parody of... John McCain.

 

Nancy Pelosi: After engineering one of the worst Democratic "shellackings" in U.S. history, instead of gracefully stepping aside, she decided that the country needs more of her air-headed, myopic leadership and forced herself into becoming House Minority Leader.



Sarah Palin: ...too much material... brain overloaded...

 

BP CEO Tony Hayward: After his company's oil rig unleashed the worst environmental disaster since... John McCain unleashed Sarah Palin, Mr. Hayward got all pissy with us Yanks for spoiling his summer yachting outing and his life.

John Boehner: The Speaker-of-the-House-To-Be couldn't look at a bag of beer nuts without breaking into wracking sobs because it reminded him of how great this country is.

Jay Leno: For being a talentless dick.

 

Michael Vick: I don't care if the Eagles quarterback throws for nine bazillion yards and shits candy-coated gold bricks out of his ass; he will always be an animal torturer and convicted felon.

Linda McMahon: The losing Connecticut senate candidate tried to buy an election by sending enough campaign crap to wallpaper the Great Wall of China. In spite of this, she was so un-compelling as a candidate that she could not beat an opponent who claimed he was in Vietnam when he was really playing squash at Yale.

Richard Blumenthal: The winning Connecticut senate candidate who has all the personality of a... bag of beer nuts... even when he is "mis-speaking" about and then defending his military service record.

Kim Jong-il: The leader of North Korea tried his best to start World War III by killing innocent people but only managed to piss off the leaders of China, which is quite a feat seeing as how they are world-class ass-hats in their own right.

Kim Jong-un: Earns his ass-hattedness merely for being the offspring of Kim Jong-il and for looking like someone who deserved to get his ass kicked on the playground every day of his life.

Lloyd Blankfein: The CEO of Goldman-Sachs continues to not have a clue as to why he should be the subject of a grand jury investigation instead of getting billions in taxpayer-funded bonus money. Plus, his head actually looks like a human ass. (I know - cheap shot. F*ck him.)

 

Glenn Beck: The Fox News hand-puppet continues to cynically exploit his brand of faux-patriotism to line his pockets. Also, a crybaby (see John Boehner, above.)

 

Tiger Woods: The only good thing about Tiger Woods is that he is now a loser in life AND golf. Let's hope he continues to score a loss for each and every time he shtupped someone other than his wife.

I reserve the right to add to this list as I think of more and you are welcome to suggest your favorites. But I think we can come together - Republicans, Democrats and "The Rent is Too Damn Highs" - and agree that 2010 was indeed an extra special year for especially un-special ass-hats.

I Think The Country Is Broken

Massive deficits, partisan bickering, gridlock. As mentioned in a recent post here, these are all signs of the United States seeming slow glide to becoming a zombie nation.

But, we press on, doing our year-end rituals which include, of course, holiday shopping and rationalizing why THIS year, we are NOT sending out Christmas cards. (We're not.)

One of my December rituals is a bit of year-end tax planning because we are in the middle class and it seems that it is primarily our job to fund the government. And what a government it is, as I was reminded yet again just now.

We (my wife and I) are self-employed and pay for our own health insurance through a high-deductible insurance plan attached to a health savings account (HSA.) For those of you not familiar, the high-deducible plan means my wife and I pay for all our medical expenses out-of-pocket right up until one of our heads falls off and rolls up to the emergency room door. At that point, I think our insurance plan covers aspirin and a cold pack.

The HSA part of it means we can put money into a special savings account from which we can pay for those out-of-pocket expenses. Any money we put in (up to about $6,000) is deducted from our income when reporting our taxes.

So today, I decide to do a little research to make sure I am following the rules (being a rule follower and all.) I Google "HSA questions" and click on a link to the U.S. Treasury Department web site. The screen shot above is the screen that greets me: "THIS CONNECTION IS UNTRUSTED" with a button that says "Get me out of here!"

Yep - that sounds just about right.

Garmin: Welcome to Holiday Shopping 1994

I like Garmin GPS products. I have one in my car, one on my bicycle and one on my wrist every time I go running. They are easy-to-use and well-designed.

Too bad I can't say the same about the latest holiday email promotion from Garmin. It says that you can get free shipping IF you call and order by phone. I'll let that soak in...

<pause>

Yep. Garmin will give you free shipping if and only if you call their Chicago store (huh?), which is NOT toll free, and talk to them. OR you can send them an email. Double huh?

Um - thank you, no. I'll order the same thing from about 500 vendors who will let me order online without the sales pitch and will ship it for free.

Garmin is so good at helping people find their way. How did they lose theirs on this one?

Why Do I Feel Like a Character on "The Walking Dead?"

The AMC TV network produces some pretty awesome original series: Mad Men and Rubicon are two of my favorites. I am two episodes into their latest, The Walking Dead. It is a show about a post-apocalyptic world where some horrible disease has afflicted most of the people on earth (or at least, so far, in the Atlanta metro region.) These afflicted people are turned into zombies - walking dead who feed on the fresh and tasty flesh of the few who were lucky enough not to get this disease.

So far, it seems the whole show is nothing more than a live video game, where the living try to outsmart the zombies. The thing is - there are a LOT of these zombies. And they just keep coming, in wave after wave of stinky, rotten flesh and bones.

As I was watching it the other night, it occurred to me that "Hey! This looks familiar!"

In our lives, however, the walking dead are any number of real-life terrors.

The housing crisis, for instance. We keep waiting for all these toxic mortgages and vacant/foreclosed/zombie homes to just go away. But they keep coming in wave after wave, with no end in sight. I heard one analyst say that we are in the "third inning" of the housing crisis. Translation: those of us with living, healthy homes will not see those home values go up for a long time and God-forbid one of your neighbors turns into a zombie-home.

But pick your daily news event:

- grid-locked congress
- unemployment
- federal and state deficits
- Sarah Palin
- health care costs
- terrorists
- WikiLeaks
- crazy f-ing North Korea

Each one of these, and countless others, is its own type of zombie, in some way conspiring to threaten us, the living. All we want to do is raise our families, go to work, pay our rent or mortgage, maybe take a vacation once in a while and live in the knowledge that if we are ever bitten by an actual zombie, our health insurance company will pay for the medical bills instead of canceling our policy (if we have one.)

Plot-wise, after the two episodes that I have seen, The Walking Dead leaves something to be desired. But it has nicely captured (for me) the cultural, political and social zeitgeist of the United States as we close the books on the first decade of the 21st century.

An Open Letter to Steve Forbes

Dear Steve:

After 19 years of unbroken loyalty to your print magazine, I canceled my subscription today.

Forbes was once a vibrant, business-focused publication that covered known companies as well as start-ups with color, flair and good, solid reporting. I also enjoyed many of the lifestyle features.

Sure, there were always the right-leaning commentaries and opinion pieces, but they were not the dominant foci of the publication. While I did not agree with all of them, they occaisionally made me think about the issues in new ways.

Over the past few years, however, your magazine has morphed into something other than a business publication. As the horror of the Bush presidency unfolded, you seemed to feel the need to become the "Fox News" of print (NOT a good thing), in an attempt to prop up and apologize for what is clearly one of the most disastrous presidencies in American history.

All of this culminated (for me) with the September 27, 2010, cover story about President Obama by Dinesh D'Souza. You have now completely jumped the shark into pure political advocacy. Which is all well and good, but it is not what I paid for when I subscribed to Forbes. It is not interesting and I am not interested. (If I were, I would subscribe to the National Review.)

Further, D'Souza's screed is so unpersuasive, infantile in its arguments and, one might say, treasonous, that I honestly weep for the trees that gave their life to print such a worthless piece of dreck.

"How He Thinks"  - That is the title of the article. Really? Dinesh is so f-ing smart he knows how President Obama thinks? Or is he a magical mind reader? He must be, because Dinesh clearly did NOT speak to the president or read his autobiography, beyond the title and maybe a few CliffsNotes.

This cover story calls to mind your prescient cover by Peggy Noonan back in 1994 titled "Why Bill Clinton is a One-Term President"   How'd that work out?

(BTW - what kind of name is "Dinesh?" He claims to be Christian, but nearly one fifth of everyone within earshot of me right now, including my beagle, thinks he is Muslim. Not that there is anything wrong with that...)

So congratulations, Steve. In a media landscape where your magazine gets thinner by the month (read: fewer advertisers), you have managed to alienate one of your most loyal subscribers. Want to know why the media is dying? Check the mirror.

Good luck. Maybe you, Bob Guccione and Hugh Hefner can grab a beer some time and reminisce about the good old days. You've sunk to the journalism equivalent of political porn, so I'm sure it would be a grand time.

Sincerely,
Bill Baker