BillBakerBlog.com

Separated at Birth?

Greg Marmalard:

 

Mitt Romney:

 

An Open Letter to Texter/Drivers

Dear texter/driver:

Actually, this is not just for the woman who ran me off the road this morning during my morning run. This is for all texter/drivers:

 F*CK YOU!

In my dream world, we'll find an island and create a country just for you, where you can all text and drive and run each other off the road until you are all extinct.

But we all know THAT isn't going to happen, so here's an alternative scenario: That you only kill yourself and maybe a member or two of YOUR family, and not me or anyone that I love.

So feel free to load your kids into your car, head out at 3:00 am, run her up to 90 and then send an all-too-important-it-just-can't-wait text message to your beer swilling buddy or your girlfriend who you met at Zumba class.

When your car goes hurtling off the road, into a pole and results in your fiery death, there will no doubt be articles in your local newspaper about what a great person and parent you were and what a tragedy it is that you and your family are dead.

But we'll know better. We'll know that the rest of us were spared from the life-threatening effects of your narcissistic, "the rules don't apply to me" attitude. Too bad your kids had to die with you, but, hey, that text WAS really, REALLY important. We're sure it was worth it.

Offended? Good. I hope it shocks you into stopping your illegal, dangerous behavior so that you and your family can live happy, healthy lives as civilized members of our community.

Still not persuaded? Well, then, I repeat: F*ck you.

Bill Baker

Black Friday: The Ghost of Thanksgiving Future, Courtesy of Walmart

So, with Walmart opening at 10:00PM on Thanksgiving night this year, I am trying to imagine the natural progression of Black Fridays going forward. I envision Thanksgiving 2012 will look something like this:

 

 "Greeters" from your local Walmart will show up at your house at around 3:00 PM Thanksgiving Day, just as the pumpkin pie is coming out. They will sit down, help themsleves to your food and wine, then grab your wallet, take out your credit cards, sit down at your computer, buy a bunch of made-in-China-shit-you-don't-need from the Walmart web site. As they leave, they will use the bathroom (not bothering to flush) and then step on the dog's tail on their way out the door, which they won't bother to close.

Your kids will be crying, scared to death by the strangers in their house. The dog will be whimpering in the corner, and you'll be checking the good silverware to make sure nothing has gone missing.

 

Happy F-ing Thanksgiving! See you next year, suckers!

You Saw How We Handled the Debt Ceiling. Now Watch Us Manage the Internet

Google chairman Eric Schmidt appeared before a Senate committee today, ostensibly to answer for how big Google has become.

As part of my occasional yet on-going "Fantasy Congressional Testimony" series, I bring you this transcript:

Senator Windbag: State your name and title for the record.

Eric Schmidt: Eric Schmidt, chairman of Google.

Senator Windbag: "Schmidt", huh? Sounds foreign. Were you born here? I fought against the Kaiser in World War I, you know.

Schmidt: Yes, senator. In fact, I was born right here in Washington D.C. You could have easily Googled that.

Senator Blowhole: Don't get cute with us, sonny. Not all of us are convinced that this Internet thing is real. Now, let me ask you this:

These Google things you are running seem really big. Can you answer me this, just so my constituents understand: How many jelly beans fit into the Google? Is it more than a thousand? A million? If it is a million, that's really, REALLY big, wouldn't you say?

Schmidt: Um... huh?

Senator Blowhole: Admit it. These Googles you are selling are like the bedbug infestation in New York City. There are thousands of them.

Senator Pinhead: WTF dude?! Why do you have to hate on New York City? We didn't invent Google!

Senator Blowhole: What does "WTF" mean?

Schmidt: You could Google it.

Senator Windbag: I don't think we have an Internet in the Senate building. Can you fax me a copy and we'll add it to your testimony?

Schmidt: Are we through here?

Senator Asshat: My granddaughter asked me if her class could 'twitter' questions to this committee for us to ask during this hearing. Does anyone have any idea WTF she is talking about?

Schmidt: Twitter? Never heard of it.

Senator Windbag: Excellent! I think we've made some real progress here. One last thing, Mr. Schmidt: Have you ever met that kid from "The Social Network" movie? My granddaughter thinks he is a dreamboat.

Schmidt: I'm adjourned.

 

 

How True Patriots Run for President

(Image: Chuck Jones)

I've been truly impressed with Sarah Palin's and Michele Bachmann's recent history lessons as part of their run for president. (Well, Sarah Palin is actually running FROM her past including losing in 2008 and then quitting her day job in 2009.)

Here is my fantasy stump speech that I am happy to donate to either of their campaigns:

Thank you for inviting me here today! It's great to be among such a wonderful group of patriots who, just like our founding fathers did during the Civil War against France, are ready to stand up to a tyrannical oppressor, like Cardinal Richelieu or Lord Mountbatten or someone like that, and invoke the great Patrick Henry and declare "We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore!"

<Pause for applause>

Today, I stand before you with the spirit of Betsy Ross filling my heart, as I recall how she selflessly knitted uniforms out of cobwebs to help our dough-boys beat back Napoleon during the War of the Roses. It is THAT kind of sacrifice that president Obama wants every one of you to agree to and I say "Not on my watch, Mr. President!"

Because we have been sacrificing plenty. Anyone who has shopped at Lord & Taylor instead of Chanel or who has cut back on sushi in order to save the whales knows how much we've given up during the past two years of the Obama presidency. I say "Enough!" It's open season on humpbacks and I'm going out to buy that cute Prada number I saw yesterday while shopping in Vegas! Who's with me?!"

<Pause for applause>

You know, last time I checked, America was the land of big ideas:

- Major Tony Nelson's first step on the moon
- Albert Einstein's invention of the "Super Soaker"
- Johnny Unitas throwing a "no-hitter" during the 1947 NBA Finals

It's time we remembered the great accomplishments from these and millions of other great Americans who value freedom from government oversight and understand the power of individuals to make their own decisions about what's best for their families.

That's why I'm in favor of a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage and recycling. Both are direct affronts to individual sovereignty as well as being dirty and time consuming. If we clog up our town halls, our courts, our justices-of-the-peace and our sanitation workers with endless marriage license paperwork and plastic sorting to accommodate a few gays and green-nuts, how can the United States ever be as great as when we came together as one behind Captain America to defeat the Russians under Columbus?!

<Pause for applause>

Finally, I would like to talk about immigration. I want to personally commend the governor of the great state of Arizona, Charles Barkley, who single-handedly took control of immigration policy in this country by sealing our border with Costa Rica and arresting anyone who looks like Sanjaya from Season Six of "American Idol." I can promise more of this kind of brave policy-making if I am president.

I'll leave you today with the powerful words of Winston Churchill, who, during Dublin's darkest hours during the Vietnam War, inspired his people to carry on:

"We shall meet them at the spa! We shall meet them at the Mall of America! We shall fight them for a parking spot! Never have so many done so little for so few!"

Thank you and God bless me and whoever votes for me!

How Do We Spell "Qaddafi?" Let Us Count The Ways

(Image: Wikipedia)

The leader of Libya is in the news a lot these days. With murdering thugs Hu Jintao, Kim Jong-il, Hitler and Hugo Chavez, we know where we stand, spelling-wise. You would think we could all agree on something for Mo K'Daffy and then go over and kick his ass.

You'd be wrong:

- New York Times: Muammar el-Qaddafi

- Wall Street Journal: Moammar Gadhafi

- The Guardian: Muammar Gaddafi

- The Economist: Muammar Qaddafi

- Los Angeles Times: Moammar Kadafi

- The Financial Times: Muammer Gaddafi

- Le Monde: Mouammar Kadhafi

- NY Post: Moammar Khadafy

- Fox News: Muammar Qadaffi

- Washington Post: Moammar Gaddafi

- Foreign Policy: Muammar al-Qaddafi

What's your favorite?

Government: First, Do No Harm

 

There are lots of divergent opinions on whether or not government can or should do anything to help people get back to work. From stimulus spending to government programs to tax policy, government's role in lowering the unemployment rate is hotly debated.

Regardless of which side of that argument you come down on, I think we can all agree that government should not stand in the way of someone getting a job.

I am not talking about some esoteric argument like whether or not too much regulation stifles industry and prevents companies from hiring.

This is about an actual person and an actual job:

A friend of mine recently received a job offer from a large, high-tech corporation - not a trivial accomplishment in this economy. She has all her paperwork, including the official offer letter. She was all set to fly across the country to corporate headquarters for orientation and training, except that the company needed one more piece of information: a criminal background check which, apparently, is standard operational procedure.

My friend, of course, hasn't so much as a parking ticket in her past. This check would take a total of about 30 seconds.

Unfortunately, her local county government can't seem to find that 30 seconds to respond and clear her to start her job.

So instead of her earning a paycheck and buying an airplane ticket and paying for a hotel room and going to restaurants and buying magazines and gummy bears at the airport and renting a car and buying coffee...

...she is stuck waiting for some paper pusher, who probably is union and has a job for life, to rubber stamp her file.

In the mean time, she keeps a careful eye on her spending and Rome burns.

Lesson: Government may or may not be able to help, but there is no doubt that it sure can hurt.

2010 Ass-Hat Awards

Ass-hat: One whose head is so far up their rear end it could pass for a hat; used to describe a person who is stubborn, cruel, or otherwise unpleasant to be around.

***

2010 was definitely the "Year of the Ass-Hat." It seems there was no shortage of people from politics, business and entertainment who went out of their way to annoy us, embarrass themselves and weaken a great nation and the world.

So, in no particular order of importance, here are my choices for the biggest Ass-Hats of 2010:

Mitch McConnell: The senator from Kentucky and Senate Minority Leader proved that you don't have to be a radical jihadhist terrorist to be a terrorist.

 

Barack Obama: He spent the better part of this year grasping for a message that would resonate and a leadership style that was remotely presidential. To his credit, he finished the year strong by taking off his ass-hat and making Mitch McConnell's even bigger.

John McCain: After staring at an election defeat in the wildly out of touch state of Arizona, he flip-flopped so far to the right that he out-mavericked himself into becoming a parody of... John McCain.

 

Nancy Pelosi: After engineering one of the worst Democratic "shellackings" in U.S. history, instead of gracefully stepping aside, she decided that the country needs more of her air-headed, myopic leadership and forced herself into becoming House Minority Leader.



Sarah Palin: ...too much material... brain overloaded...

 

BP CEO Tony Hayward: After his company's oil rig unleashed the worst environmental disaster since... John McCain unleashed Sarah Palin, Mr. Hayward got all pissy with us Yanks for spoiling his summer yachting outing and his life.

John Boehner: The Speaker-of-the-House-To-Be couldn't look at a bag of beer nuts without breaking into wracking sobs because it reminded him of how great this country is.

Jay Leno: For being a talentless dick.

 

Michael Vick: I don't care if the Eagles quarterback throws for nine bazillion yards and shits candy-coated gold bricks out of his ass; he will always be an animal torturer and convicted felon.

Linda McMahon: The losing Connecticut senate candidate tried to buy an election by sending enough campaign crap to wallpaper the Great Wall of China. In spite of this, she was so un-compelling as a candidate that she could not beat an opponent who claimed he was in Vietnam when he was really playing squash at Yale.

Richard Blumenthal: The winning Connecticut senate candidate who has all the personality of a... bag of beer nuts... even when he is "mis-speaking" about and then defending his military service record.

Kim Jong-il: The leader of North Korea tried his best to start World War III by killing innocent people but only managed to piss off the leaders of China, which is quite a feat seeing as how they are world-class ass-hats in their own right.

Kim Jong-un: Earns his ass-hattedness merely for being the offspring of Kim Jong-il and for looking like someone who deserved to get his ass kicked on the playground every day of his life.

Lloyd Blankfein: The CEO of Goldman-Sachs continues to not have a clue as to why he should be the subject of a grand jury investigation instead of getting billions in taxpayer-funded bonus money. Plus, his head actually looks like a human ass. (I know - cheap shot. F*ck him.)

 

Glenn Beck: The Fox News hand-puppet continues to cynically exploit his brand of faux-patriotism to line his pockets. Also, a crybaby (see John Boehner, above.)

 

Tiger Woods: The only good thing about Tiger Woods is that he is now a loser in life AND golf. Let's hope he continues to score a loss for each and every time he shtupped someone other than his wife.

I reserve the right to add to this list as I think of more and you are welcome to suggest your favorites. But I think we can come together - Republicans, Democrats and "The Rent is Too Damn Highs" - and agree that 2010 was indeed an extra special year for especially un-special ass-hats.

I Think The Country Is Broken

Massive deficits, partisan bickering, gridlock. As mentioned in a recent post here, these are all signs of the United States seeming slow glide to becoming a zombie nation.

But, we press on, doing our year-end rituals which include, of course, holiday shopping and rationalizing why THIS year, we are NOT sending out Christmas cards. (We're not.)

One of my December rituals is a bit of year-end tax planning because we are in the middle class and it seems that it is primarily our job to fund the government. And what a government it is, as I was reminded yet again just now.

We (my wife and I) are self-employed and pay for our own health insurance through a high-deductible insurance plan attached to a health savings account (HSA.) For those of you not familiar, the high-deducible plan means my wife and I pay for all our medical expenses out-of-pocket right up until one of our heads falls off and rolls up to the emergency room door. At that point, I think our insurance plan covers aspirin and a cold pack.

The HSA part of it means we can put money into a special savings account from which we can pay for those out-of-pocket expenses. Any money we put in (up to about $6,000) is deducted from our income when reporting our taxes.

So today, I decide to do a little research to make sure I am following the rules (being a rule follower and all.) I Google "HSA questions" and click on a link to the U.S. Treasury Department web site. The screen shot above is the screen that greets me: "THIS CONNECTION IS UNTRUSTED" with a button that says "Get me out of here!"

Yep - that sounds just about right.

Garmin: Welcome to Holiday Shopping 1994

I like Garmin GPS products. I have one in my car, one on my bicycle and one on my wrist every time I go running. They are easy-to-use and well-designed.

Too bad I can't say the same about the latest holiday email promotion from Garmin. It says that you can get free shipping IF you call and order by phone. I'll let that soak in...

<pause>

Yep. Garmin will give you free shipping if and only if you call their Chicago store (huh?), which is NOT toll free, and talk to them. OR you can send them an email. Double huh?

Um - thank you, no. I'll order the same thing from about 500 vendors who will let me order online without the sales pitch and will ship it for free.

Garmin is so good at helping people find their way. How did they lose theirs on this one?

Why Do I Feel Like a Character on "The Walking Dead?"

The AMC TV network produces some pretty awesome original series: Mad Men and Rubicon are two of my favorites. I am two episodes into their latest, The Walking Dead. It is a show about a post-apocalyptic world where some horrible disease has afflicted most of the people on earth (or at least, so far, in the Atlanta metro region.) These afflicted people are turned into zombies - walking dead who feed on the fresh and tasty flesh of the few who were lucky enough not to get this disease.

So far, it seems the whole show is nothing more than a live video game, where the living try to outsmart the zombies. The thing is - there are a LOT of these zombies. And they just keep coming, in wave after wave of stinky, rotten flesh and bones.

As I was watching it the other night, it occurred to me that "Hey! This looks familiar!"

In our lives, however, the walking dead are any number of real-life terrors.

The housing crisis, for instance. We keep waiting for all these toxic mortgages and vacant/foreclosed/zombie homes to just go away. But they keep coming in wave after wave, with no end in sight. I heard one analyst say that we are in the "third inning" of the housing crisis. Translation: those of us with living, healthy homes will not see those home values go up for a long time and God-forbid one of your neighbors turns into a zombie-home.

But pick your daily news event:

- grid-locked congress
- unemployment
- federal and state deficits
- Sarah Palin
- health care costs
- terrorists
- WikiLeaks
- crazy f-ing North Korea

Each one of these, and countless others, is its own type of zombie, in some way conspiring to threaten us, the living. All we want to do is raise our families, go to work, pay our rent or mortgage, maybe take a vacation once in a while and live in the knowledge that if we are ever bitten by an actual zombie, our health insurance company will pay for the medical bills instead of canceling our policy (if we have one.)

Plot-wise, after the two episodes that I have seen, The Walking Dead leaves something to be desired. But it has nicely captured (for me) the cultural, political and social zeitgeist of the United States as we close the books on the first decade of the 21st century.

An Open Letter to Steve Forbes

Dear Steve:

After 19 years of unbroken loyalty to your print magazine, I canceled my subscription today.

Forbes was once a vibrant, business-focused publication that covered known companies as well as start-ups with color, flair and good, solid reporting. I also enjoyed many of the lifestyle features.

Sure, there were always the right-leaning commentaries and opinion pieces, but they were not the dominant foci of the publication. While I did not agree with all of them, they occaisionally made me think about the issues in new ways.

Over the past few years, however, your magazine has morphed into something other than a business publication. As the horror of the Bush presidency unfolded, you seemed to feel the need to become the "Fox News" of print (NOT a good thing), in an attempt to prop up and apologize for what is clearly one of the most disastrous presidencies in American history.

All of this culminated (for me) with the September 27, 2010, cover story about President Obama by Dinesh D'Souza. You have now completely jumped the shark into pure political advocacy. Which is all well and good, but it is not what I paid for when I subscribed to Forbes. It is not interesting and I am not interested. (If I were, I would subscribe to the National Review.)

Further, D'Souza's screed is so unpersuasive, infantile in its arguments and, one might say, treasonous, that I honestly weep for the trees that gave their life to print such a worthless piece of dreck.

"How He Thinks"  - That is the title of the article. Really? Dinesh is so f-ing smart he knows how President Obama thinks? Or is he a magical mind reader? He must be, because Dinesh clearly did NOT speak to the president or read his autobiography, beyond the title and maybe a few CliffsNotes.

This cover story calls to mind your prescient cover by Peggy Noonan back in 1994 titled "Why Bill Clinton is a One-Term President"   How'd that work out?

(BTW - what kind of name is "Dinesh?" He claims to be Christian, but nearly one fifth of everyone within earshot of me right now, including my beagle, thinks he is Muslim. Not that there is anything wrong with that...)

So congratulations, Steve. In a media landscape where your magazine gets thinner by the month (read: fewer advertisers), you have managed to alienate one of your most loyal subscribers. Want to know why the media is dying? Check the mirror.

Good luck. Maybe you, Bob Guccione and Hugh Hefner can grab a beer some time and reminisce about the good old days. You've sunk to the journalism equivalent of political porn, so I'm sure it would be a grand time.

Sincerely,
Bill Baker

 

Glenn Beck: "Hey! Did You Smell That?"

I had a beagle - Maggie - who every time she passed gas, surprised herself as if it were the first time it had ever happened. It was like she had no idea what was going on.

This came to mind as I was reading about Glenn Beck's "rally" in Washington D.C. tomorrow. Apparently, Beck has just now discovered, for the very first time, all the things that make America great and he is going to hold a rally at the Lincoln Memorial to make sure well all know about them and "restore honor" to America.

News flash, douche-face: We know that this is a pretty good, if imperfect, nation. This country is so great that even someone like you can get his own TV show and get a permit to release verbal farts over the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

I just can't imagine why any thinking person would want to go and smell them.

Congress: "See you on Groundhog Day!"

I have this theory that Congress is done until February 2011. With trivial things like a jobs bill and the expiring Bush tax cuts looming, you'd think there might be a sense of urgency to get stuff done, but there just isn't time:

• Now > Labor Day: "It's the end of the summer. No one is working."
• After Labor Day > Election day: "We have to run for re-election. No time for legislating."
• After Election Day > Thanksgiving: "Lame duck Congress. Can't pass anything now!"
• Thanksgiving > January 3: "Holiday recess!"
• January 3 (new Congress is sworn in) > January 26 (State of the Union): "Hey, where's the bathroom? Do I get my own parking spot?"

So right around Groundhog Day, the new Congress will be ready to leap into action and do the people's business. Until the Presidents Day recess, which usually lasts through Easter.

The Tyranny of Frat Boys

Photo: Reuters

I remember three things from high school and college (but just three):

1. It was really, REALLY easy to fail.

2. Anyone could fail. Getting good grades was harder.

3. It was easier to maintain a 'B' average than it was to recover after slacking off and getting that 'C', 'D' or 'F'.

This came to mind because of all the grief that President Obama is getting about the economy and unemployment. The Republicans have all adopted the talking points that include "This economy is on Obama's watch now. Can't blame Bush any more!"

Really?

Obama has been president for less than two years. Bush had a full eight years to take us into record deficits after being handed a balanced budget by Clinton.

To belabor the point: Clinton handed Bush an economic "A+", who then turned it into an "F" that he handed to Obama. Now, everyone is pissed off that we're not back to at least a 'B' in 18 months.

(Quick history lesson: At this exact same moment during Reagan's first term, the economy was experiencing... wait for it... the worst recession since the Great Depression. Republicans seem to think that things worked out pretty good for the Gipper.)

While I don't think it does the president or his spokespeople any good to keep blaming Bush, I do think that any rational-thinking citizen should reflect on how completely Bush/Cheney f*cked this country.

But given that the news media, pundits and indeed most of us have the attention span of four-years-olds, there will probably be a bloodletting in the November elections. Just keep in mind that in November 2008, we were fed up with Bush and the Republicans, and voted for Obama. Now Obama is screwing the pooch. At this rate, if things aren't fixed by Valentine's Day 2011, the Tea Party will start impeachment procedures (because the Tea Party has ALL the answers.)

Suggestion: Before you go to the voting booth, do some history homework, pause and think. And remember who brought us to where we are today.

Holy Sh*t: I Haven't Blogged In Six Weeks!

"If a blogger that nobody reads stops blogging, does anyone notice?"
- Anonymous

Someone asked me the other day: "There's so much going on? Why haven't you been blogging?"

My answers, in no particular order of importance, are:

- Lazy
- Actually was blogging about my buddy's bike race across the country over at http://robmorlock.blogspot.com/
- Lazy
- I'm so overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of incompetence, malfeasance, corruption and crime in the world that I don't know where to begin
- Lazy

So, in an effort to post something - anything -  to this blog to make it appear as if I am paying attention, here are some recent people/places/things in the news that, just by their mention, speak for themselves and require no additional commentary:

- BP
- Mel Gibson
- The entire Palin family
- The French national soccer team
- Apple public relations
- BP
- Congress
- Tiger Woods' golf game
- The world's dullest sport (soccer)
- A possible double-dip recession
- The Vatican
- All politics in South Carolina
- The housing market
- The hype around electric cars (all of which will fail)
- BP

So, if you've been living under a rock in the Hamptons all summer, I recommend that you google at least some of the above mentioned topics and get ready: You'll laugh. You'll cry. And then you'll crawl back under that rock.

See you after Labor Day.

Memorial Day 2010

Enjoy the day and remember who to thank for it.

--------

    In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
   Scarce heard amid the guns below.

   We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
         In Flanders fields.

   Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
   We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.

- Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae (Canada), May 3, 1915

Facebook Announces New Privacy Policy: "No More Social Networking!"

UCK THIS!

In a move to shore up its sagging credibility with regard to the privacy of its 900 billion members, Facebook today announced that it was removing the "social" and the "networking" aspects of its wildly popular web site to ensure that no one can see anything about anyone else, ever, for all eternity.

"We listened to our user-base and they spoke loud and clear: They signed up voluntarily and want to keep using our platform for free, but don't want to share anything with Facebook or its advertisers, so we're going to honor their wishes," said Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. "Now, the only person you can see on Facebook is yourself, and then only if you grant yourself permission to share things with yourself."

Under the new Facebook privacy protocols, users who want to know where they are at any given moment are going to have to enter an eight-character cuneiform code that identifies them as themselves and then informs that person only as to what they are doing at the exact moment. If that person moves from that location, the code expires and they have to enter a new one.

"F*ck it," said Zuckerberg. "I could have sold this thing to Ballmer for a few billion. Now, all everyone does is bitch about privacy this and security that. I think I'll call that guy from the Washington Post and see if he still wants to buy it, if only to pry the New York Times out of my ass! Hey - we're not on the record are we?"

When asked about how this might affect Facebook's valuation in an IPO, a Goldman Sachs analyst, who wished to remained anonymous because he was using his kids' college funds to short his wife's company's stock, said that the new policy would not be an issue in an IPO.

"Are you kidding me? Pets.com went public. Webvan went public. If there is one thing the housing bubble taught us is that we can put a plateful of dogsh*t in front of our clients and they'll eat it, every time. We're Goldman f-ing Sachs, for chrissake!"

The Modern World's Mantra: "Don't Blame Me!"

Is it any wonder that the fruit loops in Tea Party (whatever that is) can manage to gain traction? We live in a world where no one - NO ONE - seems to want to accept any responsibility for anything.

Over the weekend there was great hand-wringing - from both the left and the right - that conservative Republican Senator Bob Bennett from Utah was not selected by his party to run for re-election. The pundits and commentators said: "It's not fair. He was run out of town because he voted for the bailout and let's face it - we had no choice but to bail out the world financial system."

Well, boo-hoo.

One commentator, actually, got it right. Conservative Bill Kristol, who I ordinarily think is a bit of a dick-weed, made the spot-on observation that people are not mad at the Bob Bennetts of the world because they voted for TARP. People are mad because he, along with his fellow members of Congress, presided over a system that allowed the whole financial mess to happen in the first place.

So here we are today and what's new?

Well, we have the spectacle of the CEOs of BP, Transocean and Halliburton - the three stooges of the Gulf oil disaster - basically saying "Don't blame me. It's his fault."

And to whom are they saying it? Some of the same members of Congress (um, I'm talking to you, Senator Murkowski) who no doubt have taken sizable contributions from the oil and gas lobby.

So this dog-and-pony show of overpaid CEOs saying "Not me!" to members of Congress who will step over a dead body to grab the next campaign contribution really starts to look, well, unseemly to ordinary Americans. Hence,the Tea Party.

But wait! You and I are not innocent babes, being tossed about by the titans of politics and industry. We elected these people and we're the ones who sat and cheered while our house values went up 30 percent per year during the housing bubble. I'm not saying that we could (or would or should) have done anything about it while it was happening, but we live in the democracy we vote for.

Ask someone what they think of Congress, and they'll say (Tea Party-like): "Vote the bums out! Except my guy. He brings home the bacon. Don't blame him!"

From Goldman Sachs, to AIG to Greece to GM to Chrysler to Fannie Mae to Congress: no one is to blame for anything.

If no one is to blame, then everyone is.

Facebook: A Magical Place Where Nobody Ever Dies

I am (relatively) young at age 45. So it is very disconcerting when a classmate from high school shows up in the obituaries as one did last October. I was never that friendly with him in high school and did not keep up in the intervening 28 years, but I recall him being a nice fellow and I was sad to read of his passing.

His ghost, however, lives on... on Facebook, which has what I consider to be a rather annoying feature that suggests people we might want to "friend", based on our connections to others and on education or work history.

So this now deceased person's photo and name keep popping up as someone I might want to add as a friend. It's eerie and a bit sad.

Will it ever stop? Who knows. I am sure no one has the password to his Facebook account to delete it and even if someone did, maybe they want his page to live on in tribute. The founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg is all of 14 years old, so he has not really considered the possibility that one of his members might die some day.

So, I guess Dennis will continue to pay occasional visits - a poignant reminder that on the Internet, nobody has to know you are dead.