How do we know this?
Because Barry Manilow is releasing a new album titled "The Greatest Songs of the Eighties".
It all makes sense. First, he has not aged in 40 years, though his music is immediately old (as demonstrated by an album of 80s music.) Hello? Dorian Gray?
Second, an album of the most annoying music of the 80s by the most annoying artist of the 70s, released in 2008 has to be indicative of some sort of plot to break our already fragile spirits.
For those of you somehow offended by this, or who doubt the validity of this conjecture, I leave you with this:
Was "Islands in the Stream" such a great song that it needed to be remade?
Was anyone pining away for a remake of ANYTHING by Rick Astley?
And just when when we had finally purged that Christopher Cross ear worm from our collective consciousness, along comes Barry singing "Arthur's Theme."
Let loose the dogs of hell.