In a stunning turn of events as it seeks to stave off inevitable oblivion, Chrysler announced today that it is changing its name to "Facebook."
"We think the time is right to re-brand ourselves into something newer, hipper and more forward-looking," said Chrysler LLC CEO Robert Nardelli. "We've done an extensive analysis of the situation and our internal review jibes with what our very expensive branding firm out of New York tells us: that this Internet thing could really take off - and we want to get in on it. The kids seem to love computers and these handheld phones that you can take with you wherever you go, so we think we've got our finger on the pulse of the Gen-Xers, who are just now heading into their early 40s."
Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, seemed somewhat bemused, but mostly supportive of Chrysler's actions.
"Well, it's a bit unorthodox, since, you know, Facebook already exists, but we have like a billion members and our total revenue last year was $149.63, so maybe these guys can figure out a way to make some money."
When asked by a reporter how this change would affect the 55,000 Chrysler employees, Nardelli displayed some of that old charm that made him so beloved as CEO of Home Depot a few years ago.
"Screw 'em," said Nardelli. "We can run this whole company with six guys from the IT department and the woman who waters the plants in my office three times a week. Everyone else can apply for stimulus money or go work at... Home Depot."
White House spokesman Duane Muller says the Obama administration approves.
"Anything we can do to scrape that big, fat smelly turd off of our shoes is OK by us," said Muller. "Chrysler can sell Internet porn for all we care. Just make it go away."
General Motors, also recently seen twitching on the floor in its final death throes, has sent signals that it too plans a radical makeover. A spokesman who asked to remain anonymous for fear of being mocked mercilessly by a reporter, indicated that GM was in the final stages of changing its name to either "Boyz II Men" or "Dawson's Creek."