My wife's 1996 Saab may be in the process of shuffling off its mortal coil. So we're talking (JUST talking) about what her next car might be.
Wouldn't you know - Congress recently passed the "Cash-for-Clunkers" legislation that allows people to trade in their old cars and receive up to $4,500 from the feds.
Problem is, the program is so riddled with caveats and qualifications as to which cars can be traded-in and which qualify for the rebate that it's almost impossible for any normal car owner to get in on the action.
In fact, I ran an analysis and it appears that the ONLY people who can get the rebate are owners of a 1988 Chevrolet Caprice Classic who are planning on buying a Honda Civic Hybrid. This means that, based on the most recent motor vehicle registrations, Orville Simpkins of Elk Horn, Iowa, is the only person in the country who will actually qualify for the rebate.
"We only buy a car every 20 years or so, so I guess our timing is pretty good," said Simpkins, owner of the local Suds & Duds Laundrette. "Normally, we only buy Chevys, but I hear that GM went out of business, so we're going to buy one of those little Japanese models I read about. If Congress wants to kick in a few thousand, well, so much the better."
When asked what Congress would do with the leftover $999,995,500 in the program, a staffer for the House Appropriations Committee said "road trip."