In an unprecedented show of patriotism, the Fox News Channel has declared that the winner of the New York City Marathon - Meb Keflezighi - was not actually born in the United States, so he is therefore not really the first U.S. winner of the race since 1982.
According to Fox commentator Glenn Beck, "He was born in Africa, he's got a funny name and he's much darker than all previous winners from the U.S. There is simply no way this guy counts as a U.S. winner."
Beck also questioned Keflezighi's religious affiliation: "Yes, I saw him cross himself several times at the finish, but do we really want a Muslim running things... like marathons?"
In a guest appearance on Beck's show, radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh added that "I don't care that he faced a tough life, worked hard and beat all the other contenders to win the race. He doesn't does seem like he should be the winner. Therefore, I am going to do everything in my power to see to it that he fails."
Keflezighi, who was born in Eritrea but became a U.S. citizen in 1998, is the first U.S. winner of the New York City Marathon since Alberto Salazar won in 1982.
Said Beck: "'Salazar?' What kind of name is that? Cuban? Was he really an American? Communist? I think we should do an investigation into him as well."
In the mean time, Fox News is taking the official position that Ryan Hall, who finished fourth overall, is the winner because "He sure looks and sounds like one of us."
[Writer's note: I have received numerous comments by email and on Facebook from people who were outraged by this. So I thought I should clarify: I made this up in an attempt to humorously to illustrate a point about the low-level of political discourse that occurs on cable these days.
I'm not sure if it was too subtle or if, sad to say, it is entirely within the realm of possibility that Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh would actually say such things.
I make no apologies to those two blowhards, but I certainly apologize to people who were confused by this.]