BillBakerBlog.com

2010 Ass-Hat Awards

Ass-hat: One whose head is so far up their rear end it could pass for a hat; used to describe a person who is stubborn, cruel, or otherwise unpleasant to be around.

***

2010 was definitely the "Year of the Ass-Hat." It seems there was no shortage of people from politics, business and entertainment who went out of their way to annoy us, embarrass themselves and weaken a great nation and the world.

So, in no particular order of importance, here are my choices for the biggest Ass-Hats of 2010:

Mitch McConnell: The senator from Kentucky and Senate Minority Leader proved that you don't have to be a radical jihadhist terrorist to be a terrorist.

 

Barack Obama: He spent the better part of this year grasping for a message that would resonate and a leadership style that was remotely presidential. To his credit, he finished the year strong by taking off his ass-hat and making Mitch McConnell's even bigger.

John McCain: After staring at an election defeat in the wildly out of touch state of Arizona, he flip-flopped so far to the right that he out-mavericked himself into becoming a parody of... John McCain.

 

Nancy Pelosi: After engineering one of the worst Democratic "shellackings" in U.S. history, instead of gracefully stepping aside, she decided that the country needs more of her air-headed, myopic leadership and forced herself into becoming House Minority Leader.



Sarah Palin: ...too much material... brain overloaded...

 

BP CEO Tony Hayward: After his company's oil rig unleashed the worst environmental disaster since... John McCain unleashed Sarah Palin, Mr. Hayward got all pissy with us Yanks for spoiling his summer yachting outing and his life.

John Boehner: The Speaker-of-the-House-To-Be couldn't look at a bag of beer nuts without breaking into wracking sobs because it reminded him of how great this country is.

Jay Leno: For being a talentless dick.

 

Michael Vick: I don't care if the Eagles quarterback throws for nine bazillion yards and shits candy-coated gold bricks out of his ass; he will always be an animal torturer and convicted felon.

Linda McMahon: The losing Connecticut senate candidate tried to buy an election by sending enough campaign crap to wallpaper the Great Wall of China. In spite of this, she was so un-compelling as a candidate that she could not beat an opponent who claimed he was in Vietnam when he was really playing squash at Yale.

Richard Blumenthal: The winning Connecticut senate candidate who has all the personality of a... bag of beer nuts... even when he is "mis-speaking" about and then defending his military service record.

Kim Jong-il: The leader of North Korea tried his best to start World War III by killing innocent people but only managed to piss off the leaders of China, which is quite a feat seeing as how they are world-class ass-hats in their own right.

Kim Jong-un: Earns his ass-hattedness merely for being the offspring of Kim Jong-il and for looking like someone who deserved to get his ass kicked on the playground every day of his life.

Lloyd Blankfein: The CEO of Goldman-Sachs continues to not have a clue as to why he should be the subject of a grand jury investigation instead of getting billions in taxpayer-funded bonus money. Plus, his head actually looks like a human ass. (I know - cheap shot. F*ck him.)

 

Glenn Beck: The Fox News hand-puppet continues to cynically exploit his brand of faux-patriotism to line his pockets. Also, a crybaby (see John Boehner, above.)

 

Tiger Woods: The only good thing about Tiger Woods is that he is now a loser in life AND golf. Let's hope he continues to score a loss for each and every time he shtupped someone other than his wife.

I reserve the right to add to this list as I think of more and you are welcome to suggest your favorites. But I think we can come together - Republicans, Democrats and "The Rent is Too Damn Highs" - and agree that 2010 was indeed an extra special year for especially un-special ass-hats.

I Think The Country Is Broken

Massive deficits, partisan bickering, gridlock. As mentioned in a recent post here, these are all signs of the United States seeming slow glide to becoming a zombie nation.

But, we press on, doing our year-end rituals which include, of course, holiday shopping and rationalizing why THIS year, we are NOT sending out Christmas cards. (We're not.)

One of my December rituals is a bit of year-end tax planning because we are in the middle class and it seems that it is primarily our job to fund the government. And what a government it is, as I was reminded yet again just now.

We (my wife and I) are self-employed and pay for our own health insurance through a high-deductible insurance plan attached to a health savings account (HSA.) For those of you not familiar, the high-deducible plan means my wife and I pay for all our medical expenses out-of-pocket right up until one of our heads falls off and rolls up to the emergency room door. At that point, I think our insurance plan covers aspirin and a cold pack.

The HSA part of it means we can put money into a special savings account from which we can pay for those out-of-pocket expenses. Any money we put in (up to about $6,000) is deducted from our income when reporting our taxes.

So today, I decide to do a little research to make sure I am following the rules (being a rule follower and all.) I Google "HSA questions" and click on a link to the U.S. Treasury Department web site. The screen shot above is the screen that greets me: "THIS CONNECTION IS UNTRUSTED" with a button that says "Get me out of here!"

Yep - that sounds just about right.

Garmin: Welcome to Holiday Shopping 1994

I like Garmin GPS products. I have one in my car, one on my bicycle and one on my wrist every time I go running. They are easy-to-use and well-designed.

Too bad I can't say the same about the latest holiday email promotion from Garmin. It says that you can get free shipping IF you call and order by phone. I'll let that soak in...

<pause>

Yep. Garmin will give you free shipping if and only if you call their Chicago store (huh?), which is NOT toll free, and talk to them. OR you can send them an email. Double huh?

Um - thank you, no. I'll order the same thing from about 500 vendors who will let me order online without the sales pitch and will ship it for free.

Garmin is so good at helping people find their way. How did they lose theirs on this one?

Why Do I Feel Like a Character on "The Walking Dead?"

The AMC TV network produces some pretty awesome original series: Mad Men and Rubicon are two of my favorites. I am two episodes into their latest, The Walking Dead. It is a show about a post-apocalyptic world where some horrible disease has afflicted most of the people on earth (or at least, so far, in the Atlanta metro region.) These afflicted people are turned into zombies - walking dead who feed on the fresh and tasty flesh of the few who were lucky enough not to get this disease.

So far, it seems the whole show is nothing more than a live video game, where the living try to outsmart the zombies. The thing is - there are a LOT of these zombies. And they just keep coming, in wave after wave of stinky, rotten flesh and bones.

As I was watching it the other night, it occurred to me that "Hey! This looks familiar!"

In our lives, however, the walking dead are any number of real-life terrors.

The housing crisis, for instance. We keep waiting for all these toxic mortgages and vacant/foreclosed/zombie homes to just go away. But they keep coming in wave after wave, with no end in sight. I heard one analyst say that we are in the "third inning" of the housing crisis. Translation: those of us with living, healthy homes will not see those home values go up for a long time and God-forbid one of your neighbors turns into a zombie-home.

But pick your daily news event:

- grid-locked congress
- unemployment
- federal and state deficits
- Sarah Palin
- health care costs
- terrorists
- WikiLeaks
- crazy f-ing North Korea

Each one of these, and countless others, is its own type of zombie, in some way conspiring to threaten us, the living. All we want to do is raise our families, go to work, pay our rent or mortgage, maybe take a vacation once in a while and live in the knowledge that if we are ever bitten by an actual zombie, our health insurance company will pay for the medical bills instead of canceling our policy (if we have one.)

Plot-wise, after the two episodes that I have seen, The Walking Dead leaves something to be desired. But it has nicely captured (for me) the cultural, political and social zeitgeist of the United States as we close the books on the first decade of the 21st century.