August 14, 2012: The day that Facebook died.
Two articles appeared - one in the Wall Street Journal and one on Mashable - that basically say everything we do on Facebook is annoying, crass and socially unacceptable.
In case you didn't read the sort-of-spot-on-yet-still-self-important-and-holier-than-thou articles, I'll save you the trouble of slogging through them both. Here are the CliffNotes:
- Your child got a full ride to Harvard? Well, my child was denied parole. Again. So keep it to yourself.
- Training for a marathon? Most of us wouldn't walk across the room for a glass of water if our own head was on fire, so we don't need to hear about your run.
- Love your spouse? Mine tried to kill me in my sleep. Shut up.
- Vacationed in Fiji? We went to Cleveland to stay with my murderous spouse's sociopathic in-laws. Don't post photos of your trip.
- Love your new baby? Great. Please refrain from making any mention of her on Facebook until AFTER she graduates from Harvard and the rest of us are dead (at the hand of our homicidal spouses, most likely.)
- Hate/love a politician/political philosophy/point of view? Please - keep it off Facebook where other people might actually see it and react in some fashion. Our current state of government and democracy depends on ignorance and apathy to sustain itself.
- Like a band or a song? Hum it to yourself.
- If you are a writer for a super-duper-big-time newspaper or a semi-relevant web site or a barely-ever-read personal blog, for chrissake - DO NOT POST LINKS TO YOUR STORIES ON FACEBOOK.