BillBakerBlog.com

The. Best. Advertising. Disclaimer. Ever.

We live in a litigious world. Buy hot coffee, spill it in your lap - sue the store that sold it to you. Buy a ladder, fall off - sue the ladder company.

These days, you can't buy a loaf of bread without some warning about how if you eat it too fast, you could choke and die.

This is especially true of prescription drugs.

If you watch the evening newscasts, you know what I am talking about. (I am pretty sure that without ads for prescription drugs, Katie Couric, Brian Williams and Charlie Gibson would be working for minimum wage and broadcasting out of a storage locker.)

You've seen the ads. "Take this drug for toe fungus, but be aware that you could start bleeding through your eye sockets, sweating diarrhea and get an erection that lasts three weeks."

I was recently amused by a new commercial for the sleep aid Ambien that shows an animated pill hovering over a woman's head as she sleeps, sprinkling particles of medicine directly into her skull. Underneath, the word "Dramatization" appears, just in case anyone thought that's how it actually works.

But nothing can compare to the Ambien web site. The home page has a photo of a giant, rotating Ambien pill with five people standing on it. Underneath, the disclaimers say "Not actual patients" and "Not actual pill size."

Yep. Some lawyer, somewhere, is making sure that people understand that a real Ambien pill is not the same size as one of those giant pool-party floats.

Of course, this begs the question: Those people may not be actual patients, but are they actual size? Because if they are, then that would be a pretty important side-effect of Ambien that we might want to know about.

Professors, Presidents and Police

So, tonight is the big kegger at the White House with President Obama, Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and Cambridge cop James Crowley.

Since most of us don't know any of these guys personally, it is difficult to understand what happened and who was in the wrong. (Clearly, someone screwed up here.)

However, I do count several cops as friends, including my closest friend of 30 years and here is what I do know:

Generally, people have encounters with the police on two occasions:

1. When they are a crime victim.
2. When they have committed a crime.

Both situations are obviously negative and something that most of us would endeavor to avoid.

So, cops see people at their worst, their lowest. The rest of the time they toil away in quiet obscurity, putting lives on the line and dealing with the dark side of society that, again, most of us would rather not touch.

Knowing the cops that I know and, based on the stories they tell, I tend to give them every benefit of the doubt. Sure, there are less-than-perfect cops, just as I am sure there are less-than-perfect Harvard professors.

But I throw my lot in with the guy who straps on a gun and a bullet-proof vest and puts himself out there every day, including just responding to a neighbor's call and making sure that the house of an ivory-tower intellectual with an agenda was not being robbed one summer afternoon.

Justice is Done: The Supreme Court Gets it Right

A couple of months ago, this blog commented on the strip search case that was argued before the U.S. Supreme Court.

In an 8-1 decision, the Court today ruled that, indeed, this girl's rights were violated by an egregiously over-reaching school administration in Safford, Arizona. The Fourth Amendment stands strong, at least in this case. The one dissent? Clarence Thomas. Time to punch his ticket.

I do not have kids, but I do have nieces and nephews. If this were to happen to any of them, I would be tempted to go see that school administrator and mete out my own form of punishment on him. Thankfully, there are laws against that. And, as the Supreme Court proved today - we are a nation of laws.

Haiku Friday - The Week of May 25, 2009

Here we are, on the door step of June. Ahhhh - June. What a great time of the year. Fresh-faced teens in their prom and graduation finery. Little league baseball in full swing. The first strawberries are on their way and the whole summer is laid out ahead of us, pregnant with possibility.

Of course summer also means whiny kids home from school with nothing to do, the stench of roadkill in the air and the ever-escalating cold war against disease-carrying ticks and mosquitoes starts in earnest.

But never mind all that bad stuff. After a week off for Memorial Day, it's time to get back to that favorite summertime activity - haikuin'. For those of you who no longer read or pay any attention whatsoever to the news (which, according to recent polls, is EVERYONE), here's a quick summary of what you missed while you were out in the backyard playing horseshoes:

Powell answers Dick:
"I am a Republican!
Now shut the f*ck up!"

North Korea nukes!
The United Nations meets!
And nothing changes.

Barack picks a judge.
If she's qualified and smart,
Limbaugh will hate her.

Newt to judge: "Racist!"
Coulter piles on, just for fun.
Um, kettles? You're black.

GM on the brink.
Bankruptcy is imminent.
Everyone loses. 

Sotomayor? Bad!
Why? Too many syllables.
Not good for haiku.

Have a great weekend, watch out for opossums crossing the road and remember to stock up on Fudgsicles and Nutty Buddies for the kids!

David Souter: "I Hate My Job."

I was thinking about Supreme Court Justice David Souter. (Why? No idea.) As you know, he is retiring after this Court session is over in June.

It has become evident that he didn't like Washington very much. In fact, it seems that he did not like his job very much. He recently referred to the Supreme Court sessions as an "annual intellectual lobotomy."

Wouldn't it have been nice if he had told us all 20 years ago that he didn't like the job? It's one thing when a middle manager at the Acme Wire Hanger Company hates his job. The worst that can happen is that his direct reports are miserable and a few sub-par wire hangers make it into America's closets.

But when you are one of nine people whose job it is to interpret the Constitution and enforce the laws of the United States, one would hope that you would at least acknowledge the significance of what you do for a living.

Suggestion to the members of the president's team and the Senate Judiciary Committee who will be vetting Souter's replacement: Ask the candidates if they actually want the job first. If the answer is "no", find someone else.

Vetting Frank the Fireman

Image: PLAYMOBIL USA Inc.

In re yesterday's discrimination case before the Supreme Court. (City of New Haven, Conn., threw out the results of the captain and lieutenant promotions test because not enough blacks and Hispanics passed):

When a firefighter is dragging my fat, unconscious ass out of a burning building, I do not care if that person is black, white, male, female, gay or straight. I just want to know they can do it. Municipalities should administer whatever tests that are necessary to ensure the best, brightest and strongest are working at and managing the fire (and police) departments. Just make sure everyone has the same access to the knowledge and training required for the test. After that, let the best man win (though I do think an all-female fire department would be hot...)

I always thought that this was a country of equal opportunity, not of guaranteed equal outcomes.

"Next, We'll Be Searching for Illicit Peanuts!"

Image: Fox Broadcasting

Far be it from me to criticize our public school administrators. They have to deal with cranky teacher unions, annoying parents and snot-nosed kids. (Not your kids, mind you.)

But me thinks the near gestapo-like tactics of one particular school administration should be swatted-down quickly and forcefully by the Supreme Court of the United States.

The Court is hearing a case today wherein a 13-year old female honor student was strip-searched by a nurse and a secretary for drugs, for no other reason than she was seen talking to a bunch of kids who might have had alcohol on their breath some time in the past AND on the word of some other kid who turned out to be a liar.

Needless to say, the administration at the Safford, Arizona, school found nothing. The girl, Savana Redding, was traumatized and ultimately left that school for another.

Read all about it over at NPR's web site.

I'm all for discipline and keeping kids safe in schools, especially in these undisciplined and scary times. But if some assistant principal wants to strip-search my kid (if I had a kid), he better produce stronger evidence than "that kid over there said so."

This whole case sounds like a bad decision by this administrator who, instead of admitting fault, dug in his heels and the school board and administration dug in right behind him and *presto*: six years later it's in front of the Supreme Court.

For those of you in the Safford, Arizona, public school system who need a refresher, here's a link to the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution. (And yes, this will be on the test.)